"When it all goes quiet"

Books. Films. Writing. Poetry. Art. Life.



You all tell me what you want me to be. 

You all tell me what you expect me to be. 


I’m going to show you all who I really am. 

I’ll forge my own path if I have to. 

Get ready. This is me. 



PHOTOGRAPHY: Nick Meek Photographs Costa Rica Covered in 8 Mil. Flowers Petals for Sony

Imagine a landscape swirling with millions of flower petals. This might sound like something out of a fairy tale, but it really happened.

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(via npr)

So I wrote my first short play. Overall I liked how it came together. I forgot how necessary it is for writers to explore and create characters. They are reflections of ourselves or people we know. It’s a beautiful thing, really.
And so, I write on…

Last week my best friend (Kyle) and I took a day trip down to Philly. The week before he told me he was going to a concert and asked if I would accompany him. It didn’t take long for me to make up my mind because I’ve been wanting to do more spontaneous, impulsive things since I quit my job, while also nurturing the friendships I had been neglecting for a while. Well, to say the least, going to Philly was one of the best decisions I’ve made this year…so far. I say that because I feel like Isaac Sachs from Cloud Atlas when he says, “Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today. I feel like something important has happened to me. Is this possible?” It is in that moment when the trajectory of his life begins to change. It is like spring. Winter thaws and the ground forgives. The flowers do not coil in their past but simply begin to bloom.

Recently, Kyle said something that has brought me peace: “I feel like the older me is looking down and saying, ‘Don’t worry. You’ll find your way.’”

All the question have stopped for a moment. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be getting ready for what’s to come? Who am I supposed to be? All the questions have begun to melt. Right now, I feel like something has changed in me. I’m not so worried anymore. Things are falling into place. 

Is it my birthday because this single is giving me life. : Drowning My Sorrows In Eggnog - Single by 23 Missed Calls

I’m having one of those I-don’t-want-this-to-end moments.

23 Missed Calls - Vans Warped Tour Battle Of The Bands


So yea, my not-terrible band is trying to get into Warped Tour. I know I have only 7 followers on here, but that doesn’t mean you are any less important to me. Please vote for us I can get famous and leave my shitty town.  

Vote, yo. 

- Lucy Alibar, Juicy and Delicious, 2012. 
I would have loved to seen this translated into the film. I think it speaks so much to Wink’s emotional repression and Hushpuppy’s brain washing and innocence. Sometimes in relationships, the only way we can show affection is through force. A father will yell, “You’re grounded!” but a small voice—barley audible—whispers, “I love you.”  The child responds, “I wish you weren’t my father!” His inner voice speaks, “…because I wouldn’t know who else would care.” Here we see a similar concept of love. A rough touch—but still a touch—moves Wink and lets him know that Hushpuppy is trying.

“A ship at my side starts her motors
and sails for the gulf. I watch
her until she disappears. “There!
She’s gone!” Gone where? Gone
from my eyes, that’s all. She’s
just as big as when she left me.
And somewhere else, other voices “
are calling out, “Here she comes!”
And that is dying.”

—   Beasts of the Southern Wild, Benh Zeitlin, 2012. 

“I ran down eleven flights with a pen in my hand today. 
And suddenly I stopped, you hear me? 
And in the middle of that office building, do you hear this? 
I stopped in the middle of that building and I saw—the sky. 
I saw the things that I love in this world. 
The work and the food and time to sit and smoke. 
And I looked at the pen and said to myself, what the hell am I grabbing this for? 
Why am I trying to become what I don’t want to be? 
What am I doing in an office, making a contemptuous, begging fool of myself, 
when all I want is out there, 
waiting for me 
the minute I say 
I know who I am!”

—    Arthur Miller, Death of a Salesman1949.

Last week

was the best week I’ve had in a long time. A few of the people reading this post are the reason for it. Thank you for your powerful friendship and healing smiles. 


When I am sad
I am sad
But when I’m happy
Oh God I am happy 

There’s just no place in between 
For us to meet

There is beauty when brave men speak daggers to their creators. This poem was beautiful.

Marching On

What a whirlwind. March was by far the fastest month to go by this year. It was full of big decisions, too. 

After taking a couple of hits during February, I feel like I’ve healed. I feel a peace rising inside me, and where there used to be feelings of longing, there is now a drive of fulfillment. There was a strong imbalance in my life. I didn’t know what was important. School/Work/Friends/Family/God. What was the most important? I didn’t know. So I had to prioritize and let go of things. In our culture, I know that work is important and valued, but I had to let that go for now because if was blocking me from who I want to be and what I want to do. That was a heavy weight that kept me from marching on, and now, I feel much more free. 

Focusing on my relationships, I have found a certainly that I can depend of certain people to provide support. And even though I still spend much of my time alone, I don’t feel lonely. I feel empowered. I feel alive.

I’ve been trying to read and write more and re-discover my passion. I think I’ve been neglecting my writing voice because I’m afraid of what I’m going to say or I’m afraid that I’ll mess up. But then I remember how most of the work that other people really like from me, I though was horrible. I think I need to remember the words from “Y Tu Mamá También”: 

“La vida es como la espuma, por eso hay que darse como el mar.”

"Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea."